20 Things That Are NOT the News

Apart from my newswriting class in 8^th grade at Wahiawa Intermediate School, I have not studied journalism. So I don’t claim to be an expert in this area. But I am bothered by some discourse these days that pretends to be news. So according to me, here is some stuff that is NOT the news.

1. The headline is not the news.

2. That ticker at the bottom of the screen is not the news.

3. If you saw it on Comedy Central, it was not the news.

4. If you saw it on a number of other networks (which I won’t name because I’m more interested in generating light than heat), it quite likely wasn’t the news.

5. Speculation is not the news.

6. Insinuation is not the news.

7. Conjecture is not the news.

8. Name-calling is not the news.

9. Wondering aloud is not the news.

10. Predicting doom is not the news.

11. “Wink, wink, nudge, nudge” is not the news.

12. Trying to look confused while reading the story usually renders it “not the news.”

13. Commentary, talk radio, and talk TV are mostly not the news.

14. Popular opinion polls are often not the news.

15. Polls of already like-minded people are not the news.

16. Anything in the comments section is not the news (unless it’s a link to the actual news).

17. Relating what some public figure did NOT do is hardly ever the news.

18. Relating what some public figure did NOT say is not the news.

19. Except in the case of an unsolved crime or a missing person, if the story ends with, “No word on whether…,” it probably isn’t the news.

20. This piece is opinion; it too is not the news.